Behold the Kickmen

Behold the Kickmen is a comedic, top-down 2D soccer game that playfully satirizes the sport with absurd mechanics and a humorous narrative. Developed by Size Five Games, it features chaotic gameplay where players control a team of ‘kickmen’ in exaggerated matches, blending direct control with over-the-top physics and random events. The game includes a story mode with team upgrades and a quick-play option, offering a lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek take on football (soccer) that pokes fun at the sport’s seriousness.

Behold the Kickmen: A Satirical Masterpiece or a Misguided Parody?

Introduction

In the vast landscape of sports video games, Behold the Kickmen stands out as a peculiar and polarizing title. Developed by Size Five Games and released in 2017, this game is a satirical take on football (soccer), created by someone who openly admits to disliking the sport. The game’s unique premise and humorous approach have sparked both admiration and criticism, making it a fascinating subject for analysis. This review will delve into the game’s development history, narrative and thematic elements, gameplay mechanics, world-building, reception, and legacy.

Development History & Context

Behold the Kickmen began as a Twitter joke by Dan Marshall, the game’s developer. Marshall, known for his work on games like The Swindle and Ben There, Dan That!, expressed his desire to create a soccer game without knowing anything about the sport. This joke evolved into a full-fledged game, taking over a year to develop. The game was released on July 20, 2017, for Windows and macOS, and later on the Nintendo Switch in 2020.

The development process was influenced by Marshall’s disdain for football, which he openly shared. He aimed to create a game that mocked the sport’s rules and conventions, resulting in a unique and often absurd take on football. The game’s AI was designed with the help of Mike Cook, an AI researcher, who emphasized the importance of transparency in AI decision-making, leading to features like revealing which team members the AI would pass the ball to.

Narrative & Thematic Deep Dive

Behold the Kickmen features a story mode where the player takes on the role of a “kickman” who must solve the mystery of his father’s death while rising through the ranks of a football league. The narrative is filled with overblown melodrama and inane decisions, reflecting Marshall’s satirical approach to the sport. The dialogue is intentionally stilted and broken, adding to the game’s humorous tone.

The game’s themes revolve around the absurdity of football culture and the often ridiculous nature of sports fandom. Marshall’s disdain for football is evident in the game’s narrative, which pokes fun at the sport’s conventions and the seriousness with which it is often treated. The game’s humor is not for everyone, with some critics finding it “mean-spirited” and “off-putting.”

Gameplay Mechanics & Systems

Behold the Kickmen features a football-like approximation with drastically changed rules. The pitch is round rather than rectangular, players score more if they kick the ball from further away, and the goalkeepers are called “goldkeepers.” The game makes a mockery of the offside rule, adding to its satirical nature. The player can control one team member at a time, using mechanics like “charging” and “hyper-curving” the ball.

The gameplay is often described as “sluggish chaos,” with the AI being poorly balanced and the controls feeling unintuitive. However, the game’s unique mechanics and humorous approach have been praised by some critics. The game’s story mode adds depth to the experience, with the player needing to earn money to upgrade their team and unlock new abilities.

World-Building, Art & Sound

The game’s world-building is minimal, focusing on the absurdity of the football league and the player’s journey through it. The art style is simple and cartoonish, with a top-down perspective and 2D scrolling visuals. The game’s sound design is notable for its use of “faux dubstep” and chiptune elements, composed by Tobey Evans. The soundtrack adds to the game’s humorous and satirical tone, with tracks that are intentionally obnoxious and over-the-top.

Reception & Legacy

Behold the Kickmen received mixed reviews from critics, with a Metacritic score of 58/100. Critics were polarized in their opinions of the game’s humor and gameplay. Some praised the game’s originality and humorous approach, while others found the gameplay frustrating and the humor “smug” and “mean-spirited.”

The game’s legacy is one of a unique and polarizing title that challenged the conventions of sports video games. It has been praised for its satirical take on football and its humorous approach, but also criticized for its gameplay mechanics and humor. The game’s reception highlights the challenges of creating a successful parody in the video game medium.

Conclusion

Behold the Kickmen is a unique and polarizing title that challenges the conventions of sports video games. Its satirical take on football and humorous approach have been praised by some critics, while others have found the gameplay frustrating and the humor “smug” and “mean-spirited.” The game’s legacy is one of a unique and polarizing title that has sparked both admiration and criticism.

In the end, Behold the Kickmen is a game that is not for everyone. Its humor and gameplay mechanics are likely to appeal to those who enjoy satirical takes on sports and are willing to overlook its flaws. For others, the game’s humor and gameplay may be off-putting. Regardless of one’s opinion, Behold the Kickmen is a fascinating and unique title that stands out in the landscape of sports video games.